We must have entered the twilight zone, because the R&D guy (speaking in third person of course) is posting twice in one week . . . unreal.
Anyway, I came across this outline listed below and wanted to share it. Mosby has suggested this book on several occasions -“How to Win Friends and Influence People” – Dale Carnegie (which is spot on advice – and if I remember correctly it was mentioned on Forward Observer’s most recent Podcast ). When it comes to dealing with people at work, at home, or in a disaster situation, the principles contained in this book are absolutely vital to a mutually beneficial outcome in any conflict.
The people that I look eye to eye everyday, the ones that I can’t do an internet style rant and come unhinged with, (because in the real world it could cost a job, a divorce, split up family, loss of friends and disintegrate an community support network) are worth my best effort to apply the principles listed below. Without the practice of the principles in this book there is no leadership, at home, at work, in training or in the pursuit of community network building.
Learning “people skills” aren’t as sexy as learning small unit self-defense skills for an NPT, but they sure can keep one from having to sing “I am a rock, I’m an Island . . .” (although it’s a good song)
Like all skills, these ones have to be honed as well.
How To Win Friends And Influence People
By Dale Carnegie
This may be the single greatest business book ever written. You could probably read it every year, and its advice would still help you out. It is so good that these notes are simply a summary of the notes already included in the book at the end of each section.
Fundamental Techniques in Handling People
- Don’t criticize, condemn, or complain. (It rarely helps the situation)
- Give honest sincere appreciation.
- Arouse in the other person an eager want.
Six Ways To Make People Like You
- Become genuinely interested in other people.
- Remember that a person’s name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any language.
- Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves. (This is the secret to being a great conversationalist.)
- Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
- Make the other person feel important—and do it sincerely.
Win People To Your Way Of Thinking
- The only way to get the best of an argument is to avoid it. (Because even if you win, you aren’t going to get what you want.)
- Show respect for the other person’s opinions. Never say, “You’re wrong.”
- If you are wrong, admit it quickly and emphatically. (A good way to start is to admit that you could be mistaken.)
- Begin in a friendly way.
- Get the other person saying “yes, yes” immediately.
- Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
- Let the other person feel that the idea is his or hers.
- Try honestly to see things from the other person’s point of view.
- Be sympathetic with the other person’s ideas and desires.
- Appeal to the nobler motives. (Even if deep down they make the decision based on the baser ones. Everyone wants to be the hero of their own story.)
- Dramatize your ideas. (A picture and a story are worth a thousand words.)
- Throw down a challenge. (Do this when all else fails.)
Be A Leader: How To Change People Without Giving Offense Or Arousing Resentment
- Begin with praise and honest appreciation.
- Call attention to people’s mistakes indirectly.
- Talk about your own mistakes before criticizing the other person.
- Ask questions instead of giving direct orders.
- Let the other person save face.
- Praise the slightest improvement and praise every improvement. Be “hearty in your approbation and lavish in your praise.”
- Give the other person a fine reputation to live up to.
- Use encouragement. Make the fault seem easy to correct.
- Make the other person happy about doing the thing you suggest.
The ability to speak is a shortcut to distinction. It puts a person in the limelight, raises one head and shoulders above the crowd. And the person who can speak acceptably is usually given credit for an ability out of all proportion to what he or she really possesses.
An alternate summary from Farnham Street:
- Criticism is futile because it puts a person on the defensive and usually makes him strive to justify himself. Criticism is dangerous, because it wounds a person’s precious pride, hurts his sense of importance, and arouses resentment. …. Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.
That reminds me of this famous quote by Thomas Carlyle: “A great man shows his greatness by the way he treats little men.”
Dealing with people
- When dealing with people, let us remember we are not dealing with creatures of logic. We are dealing with creatures of emotion, creatures bristling with prejudices and motivated by pride and vanity.
- [T]he only way on earth to influence other people is to talk about what they want and show them how to get it.
The secret of success
- If there is any one secret of success, it lies in the ability to get the other person’s point of view and see things from that person’s angle as well as from your own.